Mar 30, 2011

Big Red... Ladies Man

  Big Red has always been a HUGE flirt.  When he was little my family would refer to him as the little politician.  At about 2 years old he would circle the waiting areas in the airport shaking hands with people and introducing himself.  No shyness whatsoever.  He would smile and wink at teenage girls and pretend to be bashful when they squealed and giggled at his cuteness. 

  One time, at the doctors office, he moved a chair across the room to the check in window and slid open the glass partition.  He then rested one elbow on the counter top and asked the nurses, "What doin' Ladies?"  They cracked up and listened attentively as he showed them his collection of matchbox cars.

  He repeated the "What doin' Ladies" routine at a beach party Pop-Pop took him to.  This time, he plopped down between 2 college age girls sunbathing.  Again, he was a hit and I'm sure it fed his pint-sized ego in ways yet to be realized.

   There have been a few girls Big Red has admitted to liking and he has even referred to a couple as his  "girlfriends."  I hear from other kindergarten Moms that their daughters talk A LOT about him after school. 

Oh dear, what am I going to do when he reaches 14?

  Most recently Big Red has set his sights on an older woman.  This young lady is very pretty, adorably sweet and even has a job!  As a matter of fact, she's one of Handsome's troops.  We met her & another young lady from Handsome's office for lunch on Saturday.  We could tell within 5 minutes that Big Red was sweet on her.  About the time we started to get ready to leave, Handsome asked Big Red if he wanted her phone number and the reply was very cooool, "Yeah."  We laughed a bit and the conversation turned another direction.

  The next day, Big Red and I were heading to the store and in conversation he said something about calling the girl from yesterday.  I asked him what he would say and he told me, "I'll tell her she can take me to Chick-Fil-A and come to my house to jump on the trampoline."

Ah, young love....  

  That young lady is now referred to as Sugar Mama around our house.

Mar 15, 2011

The Crisco Kid

While I was making the appointment for Big Red's cartoon toe followup, I went ahead and scheduled one for Lil' Bit right after it.  I just KNEW something would come up in between the time I made the appointment (Thursday afternoon) and when we would actually be seen (Monday morning).  

The reason I had given when I made the appointment was a rash Lil' Bit has been fighting for a couple of weeks.  The redness is pretty much all cleared  but he's itchy and scratching at it.  The Doc looked him over and told me the best thing to do is to keep him thoroughly moisturized.  She then told me to slather him up with Crisco when he gets out of the bath.

Yup, that's right CRISCO All-Vegetable Shortening.   Like for baking cookies and stuff!

So last night after Lil' Bit got out of the tub I spread out his towel on my bed and began rubbing him down with Crisco.  At first, he was ok with it.  I put lotion on him most nights so he's pretty accustomed to being slathered with goo.  However, Crisco doesn't soak in quite like baby lotion does and it's slippery.  By the time I got it rubbed in enough on his belly that I was comfortable rolling him over so I could get his backside he was done with it.  I had to hold him by one ankle and scoop out gobs of shortening with my free hand, then smear it on him.  He managed to slip away a few times but he didn't get far before I had him pinned back down.  After a good 30 minute battle I was exhausted and he was completely greased.

He ran naked around the house for about 15 minutes before I mustered up the the strength to try and get him to bed.  When I came into the living room he was standing next to the coffee table watching Monsters vs Aliens with Big Red.  Judging by the lovely grease smear down my leather couch he was apparently too slick to sit. 

He hasn't been scratching much today so I figure another few days of the grease pig treatment and he should be good as new.

Anyone know how to get Crisco out of sheets?

Mar 13, 2011

Junk in the trunk... more like a moving van

I have been trying for a long while to get back in shape, improve my overall health and loose weight.  I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes during my pregnancy with Lil' Bit and then as a type 2 diabetic in October of 2009.

I was slowly climbing to higher numbers on the scale before I got married but I put on a lot of weight during my pregnancy with Big Red.  The major change in lifestyle without a change in eating habits led to more pounds and before I knew it, I fell into the medical classification of OBESE.  That seems crazy to me.  I never felt THAT fat.  But the numbers were what they were and when I was pregnant with Lil' Bit I was extremely careful about watching my diet.  After his birth I only weighed 5 pounds more than before I got pregnant and that felt good.

I was doing exceptionally well with exercising while still in Idaho but fell out of it with the move to Virginia.  I have maintained a good diet for the most part with a few derailments here and there but nothing I haven't been able to recover from.  I am finally getting back into physical fitness and it feels good.

I joined the local health club in town and have picked out some classes to join in: Zumba, Step Aerobics and a Cardio Kickboxing Class.  I am such a social creature that working out to videos in the living room just wasn't cutting it.  I also invested in a nice used treadmill.  I ran on it the other day and had to threaten the boys with severe bodily harm to get them to quit driving their race cars and monster trucks on it while I was running.  They then ran in place next to me, laughing like hyenas.  

Have you ever tried to hold in a laugh, scold your children and breathe at a full out sprint?  I HAVE!

I don't have a specific goal weight in mind, but I would like to get back down to a size 6/8 and around 135lbs.  My 2 favorite dresses are a size 8 and I WILL wear them again.  Those dresses and a ridiculously expensive pair of jeans are the only remaining "skinny clothes" in my closet.  I've pulled them out and put them where I can see them as a daily visual reminder of my goal.

I know it will be hard and require work but I'm motivated.  I have committed to four 5k's for 2011.  There are a couple of races I have my eye on in April.  I'm especially interested in the obstacle course type races like Rugged Maniac, Muddy Buddy and Tough Mudder.  Long term goal is to participate in the Bataan Memorial Death March in New Mexico.

Anyone feel like being running buddies?   

Mar 10, 2011

The Best Parents EVER!

Lil' Bit was overly exhausted from a day of playing with friends and running me in circles.  He napped, just not long enough to avoid a case of the cranky-pants.  When Handsome came home and we sat down for dinner, the Bit was in real fine form.  He was full of No's and Uh-uh's and sass like I haven't seen since before he started talking.  Handsome got tired of it real quick and sent  Lil' Bit to timeout.  There was one attempt at an early escape and that was promptly thwarted with a 2 minute timeout extension.

During that 2 minutes he proceeded to have the FIT.OF.THE.CENTURY.  We heard blood curling screams, toys being thrown about and several head butts to the door. 

We continued with dinner as though nothing was going on.  I could sense Big Red was uncomfortable with what was happening around him and didn't quite know how to act.  In between bites, he very sweetly and matter-of-factly said, "Momma, Dada... You're the Best Parents EVER."

Handsome and I broke out in hysterical laughter.  Big Red cracked a confused smile and laughed along like he understood what was funny.

The Bit was granted parole and was very good company the rest of the evening.  (Thank goodness)

Mar 6, 2011

... and the party never ends

The medical maladies just keep coming. 

Lil' Bit busted up his face again and I have no idea how.  I was in the shower and I heard a loud boom.  I stood perfectly still, listening for the ensuing screams.  It's a thing most mommies can do, determine the severity of a wound by the tone of the scream.  Nothing... only quiet.  I breathe a small sigh of relief confident that the sound I heard was probably just something heavy & easily broken falling on the floor.  A few minutes later, Lil' Bit comes in the bathroom, smiling and bloody.  He has several new scrapes below his eye that look like road rash and a new cut that crisscrosses the healing dining room table wound.  He proudly points to his eyebrow, and says, "Owwie!"  I quickly rinse out my conditioner, plan to shave my legs tomorrow and dry off as fast as I can.  I got the Bit cleaned up and the injury was minor, just looked horrific and bled a lot.  I have no idea what he did.  I searched around the house for a blood trail, pieces of flesh, anything that would give me a clue as to what happened.  Nothing, no forensic evidence.     
Big Red came home from school on Monday saying that his toe hurt during music class and his teacher gave him a band aid.  I looked and it was a little irritated but nothing alarming.  This is the same toe that he dropped the fireplace shovel on over the holiday break.  The nail is fairly battered and I've been keeping an eye on it to make sure it didn't become ingrown. 

Tuesday, Lil' Bit broke out in a rash from his chin to his knees. 

Wednesday night, the boys were rough housing in the living room and Lil' Bit made contact with the toe sending Big Red into a frenzy.  This time when I looked, I was shocked.  It looked like a cartoon digit after coming in contact with an ACME anvil.  I maintained my bearing and asked Big Red a few questions about it.  The next morning I called the pediatrician's office and got an appointment for the afternoon.  I kept Big Red home from school just make sure nothing happened to it.  I could imagine that phone call, "Yes, Big Red's Mom.  This is the school nurse.  We need you come pick him up, his toe exploded during circle time." 

When we got to the doc, she took one look at it, and explained they did not have the ability to handle this situation in the office.  We would need to go the ER.  Before she moved on to the next patient, I showed her Lil' Bit's belly and she said there had been a rash of rashes lately.  It's nothing to be worried about.  It's the last phase of a virus that is going around, non-contagious and will clear up shortly. Give him a 1/2 tsp of Benedryl at bedtime to help the itching.  That was the best news I got all week!  Drug the kiddo at bedtime! 

So we loaded back up in the car and made our way to the ER.  I wasn't anticipating spending an extended amount of time away from the house so I only brought a couple of monster trucks for entertainment and a juice box for each child.  The nurses were wonderful and turned the waiting room TV to kid friendly programming and gave us coloring books, crayons and stickers.  One of the nurses actually remembered our names from the last visit. 

About an hour into our three and half hour adventure, the munchkins were hankering for some food.  I dug into my purse and found a bag of M&Ms.  I shook the bag and told the boys to guess what color would come out first.  Then we celebrated if the candy that came out of the bag was the color we had guessed and feigned extreme disappointment if it was not.  We rotated between who would get the M&M.  First Lil' Bit, then Big Red, and finally Momma.  Everyone had to be completely finished before the next round would begin.  That one bag of candy lasted for over 30 minutes! 

Another 2 hours later, the medical team drained his toe, swabbed it to test for MRSA and gave us a RX for some majorly strong antibiotics.  We have to follow up with the pediatrician and I'm going to request a referral to a podiatrist.  The ER doc didn't see where the nail was ingrown and had no real clue what caused the infection.  I suspect things will be easier to identify once the infection and swelling has gone down.

Such is life with boys.  For all of the black eyes, colds, rashes, sprained ankles and cartoon toes, I am forever thankful that nothing has been serious.  I would rather spend hours in the ER with my children for something they did to themselves in the course of being rambunctious boys than minutes as patients with something that can't be helped.  Cheers to good health!

Mar 3, 2011

Disaster Date

MTV has a show (go figure because they don't play MUSIC anymore) called Disaster Date.  It's a hidden camera show where someone sets up a friend on a nightmare of a date.  If the victim lasts a full 60 minutes without walking out, they win 60 bucks.  One episode had a young man set up with a chick who was less than forthcoming with her employment.  It eventually came out that she was an "escort" and her boss aka pimp kept calling her to set up appointments.  When she refused the appointments, which no Ho should do, the pimp came to the restaurant and demanded the dude pay $700 for being on a date with his girl.  It was pretty funny and the young man stuck it out, making the $60 bucks.

Reminded me of yet another reason why I really enjoy being married, no more horrible dates.  I did win a radio contest one time for calling in to a morning show on Valentine's Day with the worst date.  I think I won a gift certificate to Outback or Olive Garden.

So here it is, the gift certificate winning disaster date.  Enjoy! 

I was in another state with the military and this guy kept flirting with me.  Eventually, he asked me out and I agreed (he was cute after all).  He had Friday off so the plan was: I would drive into town (about 30 minutes away) after work, meet him at his house, we would go eat and then catch a movie.  He gave me his address, directions, and phone number.  Great!

Friday rolls around and after work, I get all dolled up in my best butt-jeans and super cute shirt.  I follow the directions to his place and find it without any trouble.  That in itself is AMAZING because I constantly get lost.  (This was pre-GPS, wow, I'm really showing my age)  So I park in the driveway and head to the door. 

The house looks nice, not big or fancy but the yard has been mowed recently and the neighborhood isn't ghetto.  The screen door is closed but the front door is partially open and when I knock I hear a yell from inside, "It's open-come on in."  I thought to myself, that sounded really close, no biggie, and when I stepped in,  I realized why.  He's sitting on the couch - Right.Next.To.The.Door. 

Prince Charming was wearing a pair of greasy, torn up sweat pants, a wife beater with food smears, no shoes and no socks.  It was obvious he hadn't shaved that day and didn't bother to get up or anything when I stepped inside.  Taken aback by the scene in front of me, I asked about going out to get some food and he replied by telling me that he had cooked.  Proudly, he told me about making pork chops but then threw in that he had gotten hungry and ate already.  If I wanted some, the left overs were in the microwave and motioning towards the kitchen, told me I could heat them back up.


He further went on to say that he had picked up a movie at Blockbuster (that was already playing on the TV).  About that time, I shook my head and left.  I called a couple of friends, who were thankfully in town as well.  We met up at TGIF for Happy Hour.  Yay - 2 for 1 Margaritas!

Prince Charming quit flirting with me and I went out of my way to ignore his existence for the remainder of my time there.  I found out later that he was married with 2 kids... Can anyone say LOSER? 


Mar 1, 2011


The Bit is making me crazy!  He has taught himself to climb out of his crib and finds devilish joy in surprising me around the house when I think he's sleeping.

I have been suspicious for a while that this was coming.  I witnessed, with my own two eyes, how he can climb into his crib.  He sits on the edge of the changing table and stretches over to the crib railing.  Once he has a good grip on the railing with his hands, he uses his monkey like toes to grasp the bars.  He then pulls himself, gymnast style, onto the top of the rail.  He shimmys and wiggles until he's able to flip one leg over, then the other and he plops onto the mattress.  I didn't discourage this behavior because, he was climbing into bed, and that's fabulous!  I don't know if he is using the same exact method in reverse to get out, but I imagine it's something close.

Yesterday, Lil' Bit and I went to the gym, Walmart, lunch & the DAV store (the best used stuff store ever).  I needed to also hit up the sports store for some new running shoes but noticed the sleepy-eye-rub happening and figured I wouldn't push my luck.  We headed back to the house and after a few minutes I tried to put him down for a nap.  He wasn't thrilled, but that happens from time to time and when it does, he fusses for about 5 minutes and then knocks out for a good 2 hours.  The bloody murder screams didn't even last 5 minutes and I naively thought, he had given in to the sandman and was sleeping. 

Boy was I wrong. 

I went to make my way through some laundry and I catch a slight bit of movement out of the corner of my eye.  When I turn and look, Lil' Bit is standing in the doorway staring at me like some sort of horror movie character.  Focused, dead pan stare, perfectly still and when I let out a startled squeal of  fright he beams the biggest grin from ear to ear.  I put him in the crib again and again, only to be greeted about 10 minutes later by the same grumpy Stephen King creation.

No Nap

Lil' Bit is not a pleasant creature when he is overly tired.  He spent a fair amount of time screaming on the kitchen floor, he lashed out at his brother and refused to be good company at dinner.  Big Red was tired after school so we moved the bedtime routine ahead by an hour and half.  Handsome put the Bit into the crib and magically, he stayed... for a while.

I was still up watching Criminal Minds, when you-know-who comes creeping around the corner.  He was being all sweet and un-demonic-creature-like so we snuggled on the couch and he fell asleep again.  When my show was over, I put him in the crib and miraculously, he stayed asleep. 

That is, until about 2am. 

I don't know how he got in between Handsome and I but I was awoken by a Rodent of Unusual Size doing crocodile death rolls in my covers.  That lasted about 1 whole minute and Handsome grumpily scooped him up and put him back in the crib. 

This morning when I woke up, there he was, in my bed again, snoring logs.